We’re living in days when people love to talk. Not just with words. But by their posts, stories, snapchats, whatsapps , clothes & accessories. Everyone is cooking up an exotic story for themselves. And it’s become so easy that it’s becoming an overkill of sorts.

Your virtual stories and social media life is making me miserable. I hate seeing you out and about every other night, looking fresh as a daisy while I try to soothe my puffed eyes with stale cucumbers, posing perfectly against borrowed backgrounds and eating things that my dietician’s nightmares are made of.  Your beautiful vacations and indulgent food are aging me prematurely. No work deadlines or ridiculous projects can stress me as much as your attempt to ‘live life king size’.

So let’s just say I am an avid listener. While the world loves to talk and talk big, I love to give it the honest ear and eye. After all, if everyone’s talking, who’s listening?? So I do. I am the rare breed that takes your words at face-value, I listen to your egotistical banter and try to find a well-meant advice in there. Call me an eternal optimist. Actually, call me an idiot. But hey, my listening makes me privy to many things that even you don’t realize about yourself!

My listening and observing have taught me what no psychology book will ever be able to teach. Here are a few things that I  learned:

1.You talk and talk and talk. So that noone else can.

I have realized that your incessant talking is not because you have so much material to share. You’re just saving yourself the embarrassment of someone talking more sense than you. You don’t want to know anything more than you already do, you’re happy in the tidbits of information that you gather from here and there.

2. Only one word will make you stop. ‘Wow’.

That’s all you want to hear from me. ‘Wow!!’ Everything you say, you do and repeat, that’s all you want to hear me saying. I am actually impressed by how hard you’re trying to impress me! And if it takes a ‘wow’ to shut you up, a ‘wow!’ is what you’ll get.

3. Everybody wants to be a rockstar

That marathon that you ran 5 kms in. Or that bungee jump that made you wish you had a diaper on. Or that skiing pic of you at that indoor snow zone. ‘Wow!!’ Being a rockstar has become just so easy, isn’t it?  I hear you.

4. It’s not love until you don’t show it to us.

You love your husband? Now, we do too. Your honeymoon pics, your babymoon photo shoot, your ‘just the two of us’ romantic date that you brought the whole world into. We’d never know how much you love each other if you didn’t make it this obvious.

5.  #goals have become more important than life goals.

Bucket lists have to be instagrammable. What’s the point of life goals if they can’t get you a few hundred more followers? So whether it’s weddings or that early morning jog, it has to be something pretty awesome. Your fans expect no less out of you.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying I don’t love to watch or listen to your life’s nuances. In fact, I love it very much. It’s made me know you better than I ever could have. And it’s not like you haven’t inspired me. I have been so inspired (and stressed) that I too have made vain attempts to make a cool avatar for myself on social media. I’ve done the right ‘check-ins’, the timely ‘stories’, the stomach-in, pout-out poses too. But I will never get it as well as you have.  Perhaps I am just not social enough for social media.  Or the world is no longer kind to listeners.