I craved freedom when i was young. I loathe it now. As an adolescent, i would often dream of doing things on my own and living life on my own terms. Now, i miss the days when mom and dad took care of everything ; the bills, the food and the entertainment too! Where there were no decisions to be made, and your mistakes could be someone else’s problem. Makes me wonder if we ever really know what we want or is life an endless pendulum of perceived wants and the sighs of half-full voids?

The other day while lying in bed at night, battling tiredness and the insomnia triggered by a post-dinner coffee, after i was done thinking about the woes and worries of the whole wide world, as a passing thought made me ponder about how my relationship with my husband has changed over the years.

When we were dating, we were always toying with the adrenaline and guilt of our parents being in dark about our relationship and this made almost everything bitter-sweet yet exciting. I remember thinking how nice it would be if he and I were living together and would never have to be apart. We would sneak out of our homes (sometimes with my petrified pup who had a panic attack even when I was away just for a few seconds) and go for long drives, we would go dancing and for some low-cost albeit incredibly romantic dinners. Yet, here we are today, living together all by ourselves and not once have we even as much as lit a candle in our beautiful home! What happened to those 20-somethings who thought the world is a better place because of love?

Oh the games our mind plays with us! The minute you have something you’ve craved for, it suddenly seems to be lack-lustre. The joy, you discover very late in life, is in getting, not having things. That’s the thing about attachment; the more you get attached to an idea ,a person or a thing even, life shows you eventually how its not worth all the nerves and worries. And thus begins the constant hunger to fill an empty void that probably needs self-realization more than acquiring. When something seems afar, unachievable, it’s shiny allure blinds our eyes and unfortunately our judgement too.

And this is just as true of relationships . We often get into relationships for the wrong reasons. Security, companionship and dependability.We get so obsessed with the idea of love that soon enough this notion develops a personality of its own and becomes a third person in the equation. How can you depend on someone else to make you secure if you are at a constant inner battle?

If you can’t stay alone in a room for more than 10 minutes and don’t like your own company you’d be suffocating your partner with unrealistic expectations of making you happy. A relationship’s very root must be based on the fact that it flourishes in the growth of both the partners. With only one person making compromises, chances are that someday there will be burn out.

Oh what a satisfaction there is in limiting attachments in life. My little world includes only the people who know me and accept me for who I am. There will be no clothes, no phones and no bags or shoes that will affect my mood or behaviour.The lesser I need, the happier I am.